I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
