No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The air was thick with penises
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
