does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
