you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
