Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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