How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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