accomplished twins. life is a go
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
