she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
