My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
