Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
