just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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