im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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