somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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