Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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