I just saw a hot homeless man
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize