Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
