Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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