O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
