Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just puked most of my soul out..
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