Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
