so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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