I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
