Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
