pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They took my balls.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
