your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
