I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
