i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
