Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
