I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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