I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
