Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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