lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
