I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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