Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
