please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
