Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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