The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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