i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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