yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
