help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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