I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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