She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
