everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
