dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
