i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
