At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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