Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
