he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
