We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
