first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
