I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
...so i touched it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pants are for mortals
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
