HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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