Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
