You're so nebulous sometimes
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
