yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
