I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
