sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
