We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
