Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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