Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
