Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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