WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
