I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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