fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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