well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
