She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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