her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
