all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize